Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
