I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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