Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
