I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
