Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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