can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
