her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this boner is exhausting
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
