I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
