is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
