Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize