don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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