I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm always down for nudity.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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