Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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