that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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