you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
