were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
