'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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