last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
