Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
