Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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