remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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