I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
