I've blown a few things in my day
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
