I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
