i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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