jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
