I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
