so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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