she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
