he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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