Got a toothbrush?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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