I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
