Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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