I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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