she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
