If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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