Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
True strength comes from lack of pants
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
