Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize