If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
