If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize