Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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