dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize