The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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