wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
