woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
