So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
