how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
