Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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