Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
