I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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