And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
