Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
