On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
