My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Drunk is not a location!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
