I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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