Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
