So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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