Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
