super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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