Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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