The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
