My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
