I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
