is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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