i'm signing you up for texting rehab
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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