Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
