the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
