Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
