I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
