Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
