this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
